Director – Mohit Suri
Rating- Right at the end
Creepy Stalker flashes his creepiest smile at the Grumpy Barbie. She frowns, obviously, duh. But then it starts raining. And not falling in love at this time is a downright blasphemous insult to Indra Devta in Bollywood! So when everyone else runs helter-skelter, seeking shelter, Grumpy Barbie walks straight into the rains, looks up at the sky, as if trying to find the reason behind this rare phenomenon called precipitation or the meaning of this insipid movie. Our horny Creepy Stalker follows her around, drops his jaws and finds a reason to live in Delhi.
During a basketball game, I know how lame, Creepy Stalker asks her out for a movie. She makes it clear it’s not a date yet Creepy touches Grumpy’s hand in the movie. She instantly withdraws, but consent is an overrated term in the world of raging hormones, just like security in Bollywood India. Hence our couple dodges guards at India Gate, goes right to the top of the monument and talks about their dreams. As they sat on the edge, I secretly hoped one of them would fall off and die. Alas, no such luck and Grumpy shares her Miley Cyrus dreams of singing in a New York bar.
Cut to Humayun’s Tomb, Cyrus becomes Shreya and attracts all gora tourists in the country for the Central Park effect. At the end of the song, Grumpy kisses Creepy, introduces him to her parents, feels confused and announces herself as his half girlfriend. And that’s just unfair. I mean what will Creepy write on his Facebook relationship status, right? So he invites her to his room for a bed or buddy test. He drops hints, makes moves and manhandles her for not sleeping with him. It’s not his fault. I thinkPink didn’t release in Bihar. No, chuck sarcasm. Let me say it as is. Dearest Bollywood, STOP CREATING HEROES OUT OF THESE HEINOUS CHARACTERS WHO YOU PAINT AS VICTIMS. STOP ADDING TO THE RAPE CULTURE. STOP THIS CRIME ALREADY!
Creepy and Grumpy part ways. Thankfully. Creepy sulks. Arijit sings. Grumpy has a change of wardrobe. Arijit sings. Creepy runs in slowmo. Arijit sings. They part ways again. Arijit sings the same song over and over and over and over again.
Half Girlfriend is an exasperatingly asinine love story sans depth or any kind of reasoning. It glorifies stalking, manhandling, belittles grave medical conditions and girls’ education issue with its lame and superficial treatment. It lazily talks about small town life, class divides, language barriers, gender inequality and penury. My childhood debates were far better researched than this painfully pseudo love saga that rolls out for a painful two and a half hours.
Shradha Kapoor is a hardworking actor. She started promoting the film while shooting for it as she sashays around in her college in designer clothes, looking more like a movie star than a student.
Arjun Kapoor is a fabulous actor though. His range of emotions is unbelievable – stare, sulk and smile. And then they say nepotism is not a real problem, especially when you have a far more talented Vikrant Massey in the same frame as Creepy, as not the lead but a supporting character. Half a star only for Vikrant’s performance.